Thesis: The quote from the show Naruto shows me that protecting
something truly special will unlock the strength you need to care for the
friends you make and the family you have.
Your use of "you" is a problem because the knowledge gained from the quote is to inform your life. The controlling idea has to be about "me, my, I," and not the reader.
I hate to take over, but here is your thesis when put in the right POV for the purpose of assignment:
The Naruto quote shows me how to protect (clarify or cut something truly special), and unlocks the strength I need to care for my friends and family.
See, the essay is about you and what the quote does for you, Michael. How it does those things becomes something you can set up in the intro with some discussion of the quote's main ideas and, naturally, you will want to talk about it is hard to trust/care for people, in general. Why? Because your thesis verbs imply that you wrestle with maintaining a good bond with people "unlock the strength."
Your use of "you" is a problem because the knowledge gained from the quote is to inform your life. The controlling idea has to be about "me, my, I," and not the reader.
ReplyDeleteI hate to take over, but here is your thesis when put in the right POV for the purpose of assignment:
The Naruto quote shows me how to protect (clarify or cut
something truly special), and unlocks the strength I need to care for my friends and family.
See, the essay is about you and what the quote does for you, Michael. How it does those things becomes something you can set up in the intro with some discussion of the quote's main ideas and, naturally, you will want to talk about it is hard to trust/care for people, in general. Why? Because your thesis verbs imply that you wrestle with maintaining a good bond with people "unlock the strength."